If F1 Was Ruled By…The Mechanics

'As it's all change in Formula One this year, with a new FIA President, new teams; a new era – we got to thinking what would happen if some other people got a chance to run the show. This race:

If F1 was ruled by…The Mechanics:

1. The ratio of male to female mechanics would be increased to 1:7 *

2. Every race would feature a pop-up garage, you'd pull a string and it would build itself in 45 seconds.

3. On Sunday evenings, the Magic Pack-Down Fairies would make it all go away again **

4. Every time a driver says 'I think the corner weights might be out', you'd be allowed to slap him.

5. At least one of the tool boxes in the garage would be replaced by a beer fridge.

6. The Concorde agreement would specifically state that teams must provide one hotel room per mechanic. A nice one, with a mini-bar - and those cashew nuts that come in the little cans.

7. A swipe gate would be installed in the mechanic's dining area. Just what is it about the words 'Team Only' that you don't understand?

8. All car parts would arrive by Wednesday morning. What the hell, the car would arrive already built on Tuesday evening.

9. Engineers must abide by strict 15-minute decision-making rule. (Every minute over time limit qualifies for a penalty – see rule 5)

10. Parc Fermé is in force every day.

* - But only if they are hot girl mechanics.

** - Magic Pack-Down Fairies Ltd would be entirely staffed by hot girl riggers… in shorts