If F1 Was Ruled By... The F1 Journalists

With terrier-like persistence and a questing nature that won’t be denied, F1’s press are a force to be reckoned with, and that’s just in pursuit of a free lunch. So we wondered what it would be like… 

If F1 Was Ruled By... The F1 Journalists

1. For a start, any thoughts of a two-day race weekend would be right out. I mean, come on! Cramming all that stuff into two days would mean having to get up in the morning and everyone knows that journalistically speaking, mornings are NOT a good time...

2. A two-day weekend would also mean be one less day of expenses to claim. Don’t you know I’ve got several children to support? Just take the food right out of their little mouths, you cold-hearted b******s. 

3. Night races are fine - getting up 2pm is eminently civilised. However, twilight races - think again. Work all day, race at 5pm, finish at midnight = no dinner in Melbourne. This should stop… immediately! 

4. Prior to each race, drivers would be made to visit and understand the press room. See, the unilats interviews and print press conferences are shown on glowing boxes called TVs. We don’t have to be in the same room as you to hear your pearls of wisdom. Deadlines do exist you know.

5. Speaking of pearls of wisdom, in a press conference it is polite to answer in a full and frank manner. Any statement that begins "we have to wait until the melted engine is examined back at the factory" will be followed by a loud buzzer. The driver will then have to start again, with a statement that actually means something.

6. In order to enforce new press conference rules, drivers’ seats will be fitted with a small electrical charge which can be administered to the driver should he mention the "guys working really hard" or if he ever, EVER use the words "for sure". 

7. The phrase "send me an email", when used by a team PR in response to an interview request will henceforth be punishable by extreme measures, or at least they will lose their biscuit privileges for two races.

 8. Motorhomes will be freely accessible to all media at all times… and there’ll be sandwiches… and drinks… and maybe some buns.