If F1 Was Ruled By ... The Young Drivers

They’re the next generation of spectacular racing talent and here, in a few days’ time, they’ll get their chance to stake a claim on a glittering F1 future. But what would it be like…

IF F1 WAS RULED BY… THE YOUNG DRIVERS

1. It’s like yeah, but no, but yeah, but no…like some guy in a shirt said I’m not allowed to, like, wear my jewellery when I’m in the car. So I, like, said, that’s, like, against the Geneva Convention or something and he should stop oppressing me. So like, earrings and stuff are totally allowed now, yeah.

2. Why do I have to wear that team kit? It’s soooooo not cool. Why can’t I just be myself and dress how I want? It’s not fair. Nobody understands me. When I’m ruler of the world, I’ll wear whatever I want and you won’t be able to stop me.

3. From now on F1 will be more like the Playstation version. You should so totally be allowed to turn off the damage setting at Monaco.

4. You know that bus that drives the drivers around before race so they can, like, wave at people and stuff. That should totally have a top deck, so you could go up and make out with girls and moon the crowd and I could listen to MY music. That would be cool.

5. Speaking of which, we’re going to stop all that pit to car radio thing. I want an iPod dock in the car instead. Talk radio is for old people.

6. Ok, apparently people really don’t understand me. So there will be an interpreter in each press conference, for those old dudes in the media centre. I don’t know what’s so hard to understand about "Are you for real? Fo’ shizzle, my whip was just da bomb today. Sector three was totally sick. It was money! We totally threw down and these other chumps are just lame. Feel me?" * 

7. You know those driver briefings, where those total nerds drone on and on and on about telemetry this and spring rates that…. like, whatever, dude, soooooo boring. From now on 15 minutes max, I’ve got to go to the mall and hang with my homies. 

8. Yeah, like, so my dad wants to put a rule in (totally lame). He says that the Amber Lounge has got to finish by 11pm so I can get my rest because tomorrow’s, like, really important or something. OMG, that’s just so unfair! Nobody understands me!!!

*Roughly translated: "Thank you very much, kind sir, for asking such a pertinent question. Indubitably, my racing car was very good today. In fact in sector three it was very good indeed. We had an excellent race today and I would like to thank the team for all their hard work. I don’t think anyone else could compete with us. Do you understand me?"